back and alive..

Sorry guys for not been able to update my blog for such a long time.
I'm back now.. and alive.
I mean, i've been here but now im back to writing blog again.
Something happened in my family and it struck me real bad..
I kept thinking these days.. about life.. that it is unfair, and nothing is perfect and all..
i dont blame life, in fact i found myself very lucky enough to have wat i own now.
I dono wat im typing here.. cuz im sitting here eyes filled with tears.. again.
I hate myself for being so weak. I acted strong in front of my family since im the eldest and i have the responsibility to protect my brother n my mom. I acted like nothing happened.. and smiled when i talked to mom. Cuz i didnt wana make her feel sad again and i dont want her to worry abt me. But im sitting here crying again.
I hate lonely nights. I hate the feeling that no one's here when i needed a shoulder. I hate myself for acting strong when i'm actually not, and telling my friends im fine and in fact im crying while typing. Im juz so messed up. My friend's right. He said I'm just acting tough, im in fact a crybaby.
I miss my family, I miss home, I miss mom, I miss my brother, and my dad.. I miss the old us. Before we went overseas. Before we went to Shanghai. We were happier then.

well i guess life is hard but things will get better.. i keep telling myself that.
I'll be fine, cuz i know im not fine now and i cant be fine now.
Yeah.. I'll be fine.