drowning by my own tears

im so soo sad today..
i had an argument with mom.

i was so tired this morning after i came home from singing practice,
i didn't sleep last night.
so i laid on the sofa get ready to take a nap before i go teach.
mom saw me and shouted at me from the kitchen.
"wei!! everyday sleep sleep sleep, stop sleeping, the more you sleep the fatter you are!"
those words were like bullets, straight away pierced into my heart.
even my mom..keeps saying that im fat.
in her eyes, im the fat daughter..rather than the beautiful daughter.
i was so hurt.
was already hurt from last night,
then after hearing what she said,
i burst into tears and went into my room.

don't know why i was so emotional today,
but i couldn't stop crying.
i keep thinking, other ppl keep saying that im fat..now even my own mom keeps calling me fat..
the more i think the harder i cried.

after i came back from teaching, i finally took a nap.
mom then said she wanna talk.
and started lecturing me about me banging the door earlier and said i could have told her nicely that i was tired.
I TOLD HER I DIDN"T SLEEP LAST NIGHT...
AND THATS WHAT SHE REPLIED ME WITH!
AND THATS WHY I WAS SO UPSET AND BANGED THE DOOR...
then i started crying like a baby again...
she said she doesnt understand why am i crying..
she said it seems funny cuz im crying for no reason.
thinking about the argument with vincent last night..
and then im having this crying out loud conversation with mom.
i cried until im dehydrated already..im not joking.

she said how i always show her my temper..
how im very hot temepered..
i told her how she had hurt me in her ways..
she's always the one showing me her black face and not talking to me..
and i said she always calls me fat, and she said sometimes its just a joke,
well they dont seem like jokes to me.
at the end she cried too.
we talked over many things..
of course, sad things..
how she was suffering when she was alone after my dad left her,
and i said how i was so misery when i was in australia..
and she said i dont know the pain she went through,
and all the nightmare came back to me again and i started crying louder.
haihs..
im so tired. dehydrated d, how can a girl cry so much in 1 day?
i think my tears can drown myself already.. :( i hate crying..