Song of the Day


Friday, March 2, 2012

suffocating

its been quite sometime since i wrote a new post..
and i feel that i only come on to write when im heartbroken and sad..
i guess thats why this place is called My Hideout.

i hate this feeling, i cant sleep.
everytime after argument, my heart feels like its been torn apart and i'll cry like a baby under my blanket.
all the things he said to me, all the hurtful things that he didnt even realize they are hurtful to me, 
i remember every single one of them. 

now we are arguing about something that he misunderstood me.
i tried to explain but he still didnt get it..
i guess our different minds are drifting our hearts apart..slowly and slowly.

mom says that when a guy is dating you..
he'll see everything in you is flawless..
even if he thinks that you are fat, he wont say it to you.

my friend says that when a guy truly loves you,
he only sees whats inside your heart, 
sees you in your eyes,
not your body.

i had a very great weekend last week, 
i went to his place, 
we went out, 
he bought me a phone, 
i love it so much..
i love him so much..
the weekend was perfect,
until the things he said finally hurt my feelings.
he makes me feel that im ugly, very ugly. 
makes me feel that i dont match him.
and i know that he's comparing other girls with me.
i know im fat.
as you said yourself.. it needs time to slim down, 
but why do you keep reminding me when i eat, when i walk,
when you see other pretty girls, 
reminding me that im fat and ugly?

i know you like an independant girl.
so i tried to find you when i reached KL, 
i didn't complain or whine and ask you to come get me.
normally when a girl comes so far to find you, 
you should already be waiting for her to get her back home.
And when you finally come get me..
you kept complanining, and make me feel that im so useless..
Remember the day when you came to Penang?
i waited for you for 2 hours under the sun.

i know you like an independant girl.
so when we went for korean BBQ, 
and the waiter didn't help us cook the meat,
i cooked it.
i didnt ask you to help me cook, 
i served the meat in front of you.
normally when a couple are dating...
the guy does all the work, trying to impress the girl. 

on the day when i was about to go home..
you were helping me carry my bag..
i could see that you weren't very happy cuz the bag was heavy, 
and i didn't help you find the bus station. 
you complained and said that you are like my slave..carrying my bag..

maybe you feel that these are the little things in life 
are the things that i am capable of doing by myself, 
but can i ask you to ask yourself..
when a guy really loves a girl..
he'll do even the smallest things..
to try and please the girl, 
and make her happy.
isn't that right?

I'm starting to think, 
i think i love you more..
far more than you love me.
if you prefer seeing slim and pretty girls, 
if you cant stand looking at my fat body,
then maybe you shouldnt have picked me.
you should go find yourself a nicer girl,
cuz when we all get older, 
when im no more a young girl, 
you'll eventually get tired of me and find someone prettier to replace me.

you have to start appreciating..
cuz no one is perfect if you keep looking a person from outside.
and wanting that person to be perfect inside out.
if you dont appreciate what you have now,
you'll never get satisfied even when she's very pretty on the outside.
you'll always see her as the not-so-perfect one,
and ask her to change this change that.
if you are trying to make her to be your perfect girl,
you are not loving this girl,
you are loving the perfect one you made her be.
You are not perfect either..
but i didn't ask you to change anything for me.
cuz the person i love is you...
the real you.

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